i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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