hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
