how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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