You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
