Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
