you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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