I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
