we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
