My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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