my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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