he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
