I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
