Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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