I will die if light touches me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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