College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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