someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
