Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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