We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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