you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
