ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
