So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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