I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
