how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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