Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
