people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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