I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
