Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
