It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want a musical about memes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
