Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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