Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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