I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
