once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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