walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
