I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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