Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
