smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
