You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
