Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
