wat bout pragnant strippers??
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
