ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
