Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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