dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
