He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
