loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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