Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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