Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
