you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
