Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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