She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
