If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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