He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
