in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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