hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
