I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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