umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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