I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
