When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
