please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Randomize
