Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
