Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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