Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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