Bisexual people are plain selfish.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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