bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
